yesterday was hell. during chinese lessons. i looked at mie lit mock exam results. and thought of kor. i wanna show him this. he'll be happy upon seeing this. and i thought of the day i held onto his hands and what he told me to do, what i had promised him. i can remember vividly. so i kept on thinking and thinking. cher came forward and asked why am i so quiet on the day. shes been teaching me fer four years so yeahs, she can read mie mind, mie emotions. she hugged me and i couldnt help crying. i cant control myself when someone was conforting me. so yeah, i cried. i continued crying fer 30mins i suppose. im sorry fer disturbing lc. hes doing the compo and yet i was crying beside him. cher was really supportive. she gave me advices and conforted me. everyone probed. can see everyones in a shock as i suppose they didnt see me cry before. yeahs i believe im a strong girl. but this time, i jex cant help it. so yeahs. went recess with mie swollen eyes. cher asked me to go home early. haha i got da permission but i didnt. kor doesnt want me to visit him early and hes gonna ask me why am i there so early. so i waited till after school. headed ta mum's office and changed mie clothings. and reached nuh. hes sleeping when i reached there. its only till evening and he saw me. i held onto his hands again. was really tired. so i put some make-up. till ten plus. kor went fer an op. before that there were some misunderstandings. he claimed that the doctors lied to him. he thought that operation was fer smth else. not what he thought. it took fifteen mins fer everything to settle. yeahs he agreed going fer that op. before the door was closed, i used hand signs to tell him to work hard, jiayou. he nodded.

while waiting and to keep myself calm. i went down to call zhenguang and jiting fer a talk. till midnight. parents came down and gave me a lecture. the op has ended yet i wasnt upstairs. mum was irritated and said no more computer fer u during midnight. shes comparing me with my cousins as they looked good while i looked pale. yeahs i didnt remain silence. i claimed i put on make up to hide my tears as kor didnt want to see me like this. mum was speechless. yeahs im trying to understand her too. no one has a good temper now. neither do i. however. i jex cant stay calm. im still angry fer wad she said and her lack of understanding.

hmms. gonna visit kor later again. i regretted fer not being there after his op. i really regretted and im sorry. cant forgive myself fer that. anws. wanna thank zhenguang, jiting, torphaine, shawn kor, geokhong and a lot more people who have been there fer me. not forgetting mie chinese teacher. and babyy! yeah sherm thanks. he has accompanied me sms-ing when i was feeling bored there. i will be strong. rest assured. ((:

jex now that blur sotong jiting called. touchedd (: he called to see whether im okays. yuppie im touched. really thanks. hughugs*